Thing 1 has a friend, whom we’ll call “Sally.” The two girls were in the same class in 4th grade and spent a lot of time together outside of school, having playdates and sleepovers. They called each other best friends.

Now, Sally’s parents were going through a rough time and would do things like separate but move back in together and pretend to have a happy marriage when family came to town and things like that. Sally’s father asked us to watch Sally quite often while he went to marriage counseling with his wife. When Sally would be dropped off or picked up at our place, Sally’s mother would always sit in the car and never came up, despite our numerous invitations.

Last spring, Sally’s mother came to pick up Sally from our house, while her husband was out of state on business, and confronted my wife, accusing her of having an affair with her husband. Now, no offense to Sally’s father, but if my wife was the type to cheat (which she’s not) he would not be her chosen “type.” Primarily because he’s twice her age. In any case, there was no affair.

The reasons given by Sally’s mother, for how she’s “sure” my wife is a homewrecker is because she’s young and doesn’t “respect or understand the importance of commitment in a marriage.” Obviously being in a faithful marriage for a decade didn’t convince her otherwise. She instructed my wife to stay away from her husband, not to call (which my wife did only to arrange get togethers for the girls), etc.

A few days later, after Sally’s father got back into town, I gave him a call and explained what took place. He vehemently denied any affair with my wife and as we all knew, I was present 99% of the time when he dropped off or picked up Sally from our house, so I assured him that an affair was not my concern. I told him that as a husband and a father myself, I felt he needed to know what his wife was accusing him of behind his back and not to cause further strife with his estranged wife, but because I would hope someone would tip me off if my wife was every spewing those rumors around town.

I explained that, for obvious reasons, if the girls are to have playdates or sleepovers, he and I should arrange them and any drop off or pick up of Sally should take place in public and not at either of our homes. I also told him that we were no longer comfortable with Thing 1 going to their house, until things settled down and we were confident that Sally’s mother would not behave disrespectfully around our daughter. He completely understood, apologized on his wife’s behalf and said this “wasn’t the first time” something like this has come up, “hence the separation.”

It was difficult, but we explained to Thing 1 that Sally’s parents were working some things out and until everything was taken care of, her and Sally wouldn’t be able to spend too much time together ouside of school. She was bummed out, but understood.

Fast foward to this week.

The girls are in separate classes this year and on Friday, Thing 1 told my wife that Sally’s mother has been telling her that she is not to “have anything to do with [Thing 1], even at school.” Thing 1 was worried that playing with her friend at school would “be sneaky and going behind an adult’s back.” Figures, now Thing 1 gets a conscience about that! (kidding… sort of).

The point of this whole post? I was curious to find out what the general parent community thought we should do about this. We want the girls to play and, honestly, none of us parents are at school with them so whether they do or do not play together at school is out of our control.

Should we tell Thing 1 all the details of this messy ordeal, in a kid-friendly way? So far, we’ve kept most of the details away from her.

Should we confront the parents? I’m inclined to think not, since half of that equasion is clearly a wee bit off kilter.

Should we tell Thing 1 to ignore what that one parent says?