Last month Thing 1 randomly asked us why we don’t pray before we eat meals. She had just recently returned from spending three weeks with my parents who are Christians and prayed before meals with her. It was like one of those Twix “Need A Moment?” commercials, at the dinner table.

My wife and I looked at each other and I said, “Well, some people pray before their meals and some people, like us, don’t. Is it something you want to do tonight?”

Thing 1 nodded but was too shy to pray about the meal to the Big Man, so I told her I would say the prayer and asked her what she thought we should say. I said the prayer and we started eating. Over that same meal, we talked to the kids and Thing 1 said she wanted to try going to church to see what it was like.

At this point, I feel I should give a bit of a background. I grew up in a very strict Christian household, where we went to church every sunday and bible study usually during the week. Church was the focal point for our lives and, for various reasons, there was an overwhelming sense of exclusion directed toward my sister and I, from our “peers” at those churches. For many people, churches are a calmning and welcoming place. But for myself, churches never provided that and, for me, churches became a hinderence to my faith, rather than a support for it. I haven’t been to church for years, and my wife is Agnostic. Given these things, we have always answered, to the best of our abilities, the inevitable questions that were asked by the kinds about religion, church, reasons for holidays, etc. Every time the topic was brought up, we offered to take them to a church that they were interested in, but the interest simply wasn’t there.

So, back to the dinner-church thing.

Thing 1 said she didn’t want to go because “Church is boring” and “all you get to do is sit and listen.” I explained how the youth groups were at the churches I went to (not telling her the issues I had with them when I was younger), and after a little bit of talking, Things 1 and 2 were really excited to try out a church and learn more about God.

Later that week, I went online and began looking into churches in the area. Having grown up in the county, I’m pretty aware of the priorities of some local churches. Some are more focused on appearance and “look how Biblical we are” while others are more of the “come as you and help us help others” mentality. I wanted to find something that wasn’t all fire and brimestone but would give us the right amount of Religiosity (that’s right, I said it!). I found one that I had heard was good, from a number of sources and, wouldn’t you know it, their slogan is “Church For People Who Don’t Like Church.” How much more perfect could that be? My wife and I looked at their web site, read their philosophy statement (also known as a church’s “Constitution”) and decided to give it a try.

Sunday morning came, we went and the kids went off to their sunday school groups while Keli, Thing 3 and I went to the main auditorium for the adult service. I’m used to rows of uncomfortable pews with racks of hymnals and bibles facing you. This church didn’t have those. They have three big projector screens and an actual band – electric guitars, bass, drums, keyboard, fog machine, stage lights, the works. There was no fancy church choir or hymnals to read the words from. After the mini-concert was over, the Pastor walked out on stage and spent the next 30-40 minutes telling us about how if we have a “faulty belief system” (Read: One that is not God-centered) that we will be plagued with poor decisions in our relationships, our financial health and all other aspects of our life.

I expected as much. I mean, hey, it is church, right? It’s their job to tell you to live according to God. But there were a few things which caught my attention:

No Bibles

During the entire church service, the congregation was not once asked to crack open their bibles. This worked in my favor because, I kid you not, within a week of us deciding to go to church, my bible has disappeared. I blame Lucifer. The pastor, however, didn’t even bring a bible on stage with him. How are you supposed to teach about The Word of God when you don’t even bring a copy of God’s Word with you on stage?

Dress for success

While I understand that this church has a casual, laid back atmosphere, I still feel there needs to be a certain level of propriety from the heads of the church. When the pastor walks on stage with faded, fashion jeans and a button up shirt, un-tucked, I couldn’t get past it.

I’m not expecting the dude to wear a full suit and tie, but I couldn’t get past the fact that this guy looked like he was about to head out for a night of clubbing, instead of preaching the Word of God.

You’re a preacher for a reason

For our first week there, the pastor’s lesson was part 2 in a 5-week series on living your life according to the “True” belief system, as handed down by God, Jesus, et al. The problem with this, is he didn’t actually tell us anything we needed to know, to live a “better” life.

Over the three weeks we have attended the church, he has spent more time making Atheists look like a bunch of hypocrites and incorrectly describing the “belief system of Relativism” and “Karma” to everyone, than he did actually sharing with us what God and Jesus said we needed to base our life’s decisions on.

What good is it to preach about adhering to the “one true belief system” but not telling any of us what exactly we’re commanded to base our decisions on?

My wife walked away from three week’s worth of church sermons without knowing any more about the Christian faith than she did when we walked through the door that first Sunday. And to me that’s a clear sign that, as a church, you’re not doing your job. I was not expecting her to convert within three weeks or anything like that, but in three week’s of sermons, she should have at least been taught something new.

Blantantly misrepresenting the Bible is wrong

This past sunday, the preacher tied together some thoughts and made the sermon feel like the other weeks were just dress rehersals. He was talking about the “belief of karma” and how it’s not what God wants. To start with, he incorrectly described the “belief of karma” to the congregation, saying it’s the belief that if you do good things, good things will happen. While that’s the secular interpretation of it, the “belief of karma” varies greatly depending on, ya know, little details like whether you’re Hindu or Buddhist. To generalize such a complex facet of many religions into one Americanized, overly-simplified critique is just bad form.

Next, he used the following bible verse in an attempt to prove that Satan came up with the idea of Reincarnation and how that means it’s a “false truth,” when he told Eve the following, in talking about the consequences of eating of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 2:16-17):

“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” – Genesis 3:4-5

There it is! Clear proof that Satan invented the notion of reincarnation, right? Right?

But what about the children?

In three weeks, neither of the kids have learned anything about the bible or God. The only thing they have learned by going to this church’s Sunday school groups is that you do arts and crafts and they give you Skittles and Starburst candy before lunch time.

I respect other faiths and I have respect for most authority figures, but where I draw the line is when you clearly have taken on the task of sharing your faith and holy book with those around you (let alone teaching a series on “Truth”), yet you use that position to make half-baked interpretations of a holy book.

I guess my point with all of this is that if you’re looking for a church or possibly at a church that isn’t ministering to you, it’s okay to leave and find a new one. There are probably a dozen other churches in your area that might work out for you.

For my family and I, we’ll move on to the next church until we find one that works for us. The hunt for religiosity continues!