Last month Thing 1 randomly asked us why we don’t pray before we eat meals. She had just recently returned from spending three weeks with my parents who are Christians and prayed before meals with her. It was like one of those Twix “Need A Moment?” commercials, at the dinner table.

My wife and I looked at each other and I said, “Well, some people pray before their meals and some people, like us, don’t. Is it something you want to do tonight?”

Thing 1 nodded but was too shy to pray about the meal to the Big Man, so I told her I would say the prayer and asked her what she thought we should say. I said the prayer and we started eating. Over that same meal, we talked to the kids and Thing 1 said she wanted to try going to church to see what it was like.

At this point, I feel I should give a bit of a background. I grew up in a very strict Christian household, where we went to church every sunday and bible study usually during the week. Church was the focal point for our lives and, for various reasons, there was an overwhelming sense of exclusion directed toward my sister and I, from our “peers” at those churches. For many people, churches are a calmning and welcoming place. But for myself, churches never provided that and, for me, churches became a hinderence to my faith, rather than a support for it. I haven’t been to church for years, and my wife is Agnostic. Given these things, we have always answered, to the best of our abilities, the inevitable questions that were asked by the kinds about religion, church, reasons for holidays, etc. Every time the topic was brought up, we offered to take them to a church that they were interested in, but the interest simply wasn’t there.

So, back to the dinner-church thing.

Thing 1 said she didn’t want to go because “Church is boring” and “all you get to do is sit and listen.” I explained how the youth groups were at the churches I went to (not telling her the issues I had with them when I was younger), and after a little bit of talking, Things 1 and 2 were really excited to try out a church and learn more about God.

Later that week, I went online and began looking into churches in the area. Having grown up in the county, I’m pretty aware of the priorities of some local churches. Some are more focused on appearance and “look how Biblical we are” while others are more of the “come as you and help us help others” mentality. I wanted to find something that wasn’t all fire and brimestone but would give us the right amount of Religiosity (that’s right, I said it!). I found one that I had heard was good, from a number of sources and, wouldn’t you know it, their slogan is “Church For People Who Don’t Like Church.” How much more perfect could that be? My wife and I looked at their web site, read their philosophy statement (also known as a church’s “Constitution”) and decided to give it a try.

Sunday morning came, we went and the kids went off to their sunday school groups while Keli, Thing 3 and I went to the main auditorium for the adult service. I’m used to rows of uncomfortable pews with racks of hymnals and bibles facing you. This church didn’t have those. They have three big projector screens and an actual band – electric guitars, bass, drums, keyboard, fog machine, stage lights, the works. There was no fancy church choir or hymnals to read the words from. After the mini-concert was over, the Pastor walked out on stage and spent the next 30-40 minutes telling us about how if we have a “faulty belief system” (Read: One that is not God-centered) that we will be plagued with poor decisions in our relationships, our financial health and all other aspects of our life.

I expected as much. I mean, hey, it is church, right? It’s their job to tell you to live according to God. But there were a few things which caught my attention:

No Bibles

During the entire church service, the congregation was not once asked to crack open their bibles. This worked in my favor because, I kid you not, within a week of us deciding to go to church, my bible has disappeared. I blame Lucifer. The pastor, however, didn’t even bring a bible on stage with him. How are you supposed to teach about The Word of God when you don’t even bring a copy of God’s Word with you on stage?

Dress for success

While I understand that this church has a casual, laid back atmosphere, I still feel there needs to be a certain level of propriety from the heads of the church. When the pastor walks on stage with faded, fashion jeans and a button up shirt, un-tucked, I couldn’t get past it.

I’m not expecting the dude to wear a full suit and tie, but I couldn’t get past the fact that this guy looked like he was about to head out for a night of clubbing, instead of preaching the Word of God.

You’re a preacher for a reason

For our first week there, the pastor’s lesson was part 2 in a 5-week series on living your life according to the “True” belief system, as handed down by God, Jesus, et al. The problem with this, is he didn’t actually tell us anything we needed to know, to live a “better” life.

Over the three weeks we have attended the church, he has spent more time making Atheists look like a bunch of hypocrites and incorrectly describing the “belief system of Relativism” and “Karma” to everyone, than he did actually sharing with us what God and Jesus said we needed to base our life’s decisions on.

What good is it to preach about adhering to the “one true belief system” but not telling any of us what exactly we’re commanded to base our decisions on?

My wife walked away from three week’s worth of church sermons without knowing any more about the Christian faith than she did when we walked through the door that first Sunday. And to me that’s a clear sign that, as a church, you’re not doing your job. I was not expecting her to convert within three weeks or anything like that, but in three week’s of sermons, she should have at least been taught something new.

Blantantly misrepresenting the Bible is wrong

This past sunday, the preacher tied together some thoughts and made the sermon feel like the other weeks were just dress rehersals. He was talking about the “belief of karma” and how it’s not what God wants. To start with, he incorrectly described the “belief of karma” to the congregation, saying it’s the belief that if you do good things, good things will happen. While that’s the secular interpretation of it, the “belief of karma” varies greatly depending on, ya know, little details like whether you’re Hindu or Buddhist. To generalize such a complex facet of many religions into one Americanized, overly-simplified critique is just bad form.

Next, he used the following bible verse in an attempt to prove that Satan came up with the idea of Reincarnation and how that means it’s a “false truth,” when he told Eve the following, in talking about the consequences of eating of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 2:16-17):

“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” – Genesis 3:4-5

There it is! Clear proof that Satan invented the notion of reincarnation, right? Right?

But what about the children?

In three weeks, neither of the kids have learned anything about the bible or God. The only thing they have learned by going to this church’s Sunday school groups is that you do arts and crafts and they give you Skittles and Starburst candy before lunch time.

I respect other faiths and I have respect for most authority figures, but where I draw the line is when you clearly have taken on the task of sharing your faith and holy book with those around you (let alone teaching a series on “Truth”), yet you use that position to make half-baked interpretations of a holy book.

I guess my point with all of this is that if you’re looking for a church or possibly at a church that isn’t ministering to you, it’s okay to leave and find a new one. There are probably a dozen other churches in your area that might work out for you.

For my family and I, we’ll move on to the next church until we find one that works for us. The hunt for religiosity continues!

AMC is starting a new TV series this fall, beginning on Halloween night, with a 90-minute special pilot episode of “The Walking Dead”.

Emerging from the ashes of our dearly-departed demons is The Walking Dead. The classic comic book series by Robert Kirkman has been adapted by Frank Darabont (writer of The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile) and is being made into a T.V. series for AMC. Between Darabont writing and directing and Gale Anne Hurd (The Terminator, Aliens) producing, you can be sure this series is going to be equal parts gripping plot and epic zombie fricassee.

Check out the teaser trailer below:

Hat tip to the Men’s Health blog for posting this.

More info about “The Walking Dead”:

• First Look At ‘The Walking Dead’ TV Series! (MTV)
• The Walking Dead (Wikipedia)
• The Flick Cast’s blog

Now, Sally’s parents were going through a rough time and would do things like separate but move back in together and pretend to have a happy marriage when family came to town and things like that. Sally’s father asked us to watch Sally quite often while he went to marriage counseling with his wife. When Sally would be dropped off or picked up at our place, Sally’s mother would always sit in the car and never came up, despite our numerous invitations.

Last spring, Sally’s mother came to pick up Sally from our house, while her husband was out of state on business, and confronted my wife, accusing her of having an affair with her husband. Now, no offense to Sally’s father, but if my wife was the type to cheat (which she’s not) he would not be her chosen “type.” Primarily because he’s twice her age. In any case, there was no affair.

The reasons given by Sally’s mother, for how she’s “sure” my wife is a homewrecker is because she’s young and doesn’t “respect or understand the importance of commitment in a marriage.” Obviously being in a faithful marriage for a decade didn’t convince her otherwise. She instructed my wife to stay away from her husband, not to call (which my wife did only to arrange get togethers for the girls), etc.

A few days later, after Sally’s father got back into town, I gave him a call and explained what took place. He vehemently denied any affair with my wife and as we all knew, I was present 99% of the time when he dropped off or picked up Sally from our house, so I assured him that an affair was not my concern. I told him that as a husband and a father myself, I felt he needed to know what his wife was accusing him of behind his back and not to cause further strife with his estranged wife, but because I would hope someone would tip me off if my wife was every spewing those rumors around town.

I explained that, for obvious reasons, if the girls are to have playdates or sleepovers, he and I should arrange them and any drop off or pick up of Sally should take place in public and not at either of our homes. I also told him that we were no longer comfortable with Thing 1 going to their house, until things settled down and we were confident that Sally’s mother would not behave disrespectfully around our daughter. He completely understood, apologized on his wife’s behalf and said this “wasn’t the first time” something like this has come up, “hence the separation.”

It was difficult, but we explained to Thing 1 that Sally’s parents were working some things out and until everything was taken care of, her and Sally wouldn’t be able to spend too much time together ouside of school. She was bummed out, but understood.

Fast foward to this week.

The girls are in separate classes this year and on Friday, Thing 1 told my wife that Sally’s mother has been telling her that she is not to “have anything to do with [Thing 1], even at school.” Thing 1 was worried that playing with her friend at school would “be sneaky and going behind an adult’s back.” Figures, now Thing 1 gets a conscience about that! (kidding… sort of).

The point of this whole post? I was curious to find out what the general parent community thought we should do about this. We want the girls to play and, honestly, none of us parents are at school with them so whether they do or do not play together at school is out of our control.

Should we tell Thing 1 all the details of this messy ordeal, in a kid-friendly way? So far, we’ve kept most of the details away from her.

Should we confront the parents? I’m inclined to think not, since half of that equasion is clearly a wee bit off kilter.

Should we tell Thing 1 to ignore what that one parent says?

Surprisingly, there were no tears from Thing 2 this morning. I think having spent a lot of his 5 years on this Earth at the school, for various school-related functions for Thing 1 helped him be comforatble with the school and the people. Yesterday, he was able to go and “preview” his classroom, meet his teacher and mingle with some of his classmates. I’m sure that helped a lot, too.

There were only a few tears from the Mrs., which was a lot better than when Thing 1 started Kindergarten. You can read a brief post about her first day here.

Thing 2 was lucky enough to not only have his best buddy from preschool in his class this year, but it turned out they were seated right next to each other. We’ll see how long that lasts!

It should be said that I really don’t know what the issue at hand in the video is or anything about Rep. Anthony Weiner, other than his last name made me giggle.

A few weeks ago, Keli and I watched “The Bucket List” and, while it was a pretty funny movie, it got me wondering, as I’m sure it did for everyone who watched it, what would I put on my own Bucket List. I mentioned this on Twitter, then @calandro5 and I started talking and decided to write up our Bucket Lists and post them on our blogs, just for kicks. You can read her Bucket List by clicking here!

Without further ado, here is my Bucket List:

Things To Do With The Kids

Walk my girls down the aisle – This one really doesn’t need an explanation.

See my grandchildren – “They” say that grandchildren are a parent’s reward for not killing their children (not literally killing, mind you). If this is true, then I fully expect a set of triplets from each of my kids. At least!

Take them to see the monuments in D.C. – It’s one thing to learn about the monuments and to start at pictures of them in your school textbooks, but it’s an entirely different, sobering experience to see them. To read the inscriptions on the World War II memorial. To stand at The Wall and walk with your hand dragging over the engravings of all of those names.

Volunteer in a soup kitchen on a holiday as a family – What better way to teach selflessness and giving than to sacrifice your own holiday plans to serve society’s cast offs?

Give my son his first mohawk – Done! If you friended me on Facebook, you would have seen the photos. hint, hint

Take my family to Disney World – We went to Disneyland in Southern California when Thing 2 was just a baby, but I would love to spend a few days with the family in Disney World. Way more to see and do.

Things To Do With My Wife

Swim in a shark cage – Someday, we both want to go in one of those underwater cages and have gihugic sharks swim around us. My only fear is that the cables holding up the cage snap and we’ll sink to the bottom of the ocean. Maybe this should be at the end of my list…

Travel to Ireland – My wife and I both have roots in Ireland. I love the scenery, the culture, the stories, the history and, of course, their alcohol. What better reasons to want to visit some place new?

Travel to Japan – Japan is a place I’ve always wanted to visit. Not just the modern-day Japan, but the stuck-in-the-quicksand-of-time parts of Japan. So much history and interesting culture.

Travel to around Europe – One day, when the kids are grown and moved out, I want to take an extended vacation to Europe and take our time traveling through, soaking up the historical sites, visiting with old friends and meeting new ones.

Go on a cruise – I don’t even really care where to, I just want to go on a cruise with my wife someday.

Renew our wedding vows – We got married on a hot July afternoon at the Sonoma County Clerk’s Office. We want to have a renewal of vows ceremony and I want my wife to have the “wedding” she’s always wanted.

Celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary – If I live to celebrate this milestone, I will be 68 and have lived a long, blessed life. What more can you ask for?

Things To Do For Myself

Write a book and have it published – I love writing fiction and someday, I’d like to write a book or a collection of short stories and have it published by an actual publishing house and not print-on-demand (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Learn to play the upright bass – The upright bass looks like such a fun instrument to play.

Learn another language – Right now I’m leaning toward re-learning Spanish or learning German, so I can talk with friends who live in Germany in their own language.

Become certified – I want to go back to school and get my Journalism certificate.

Compete in a Judo tournament – Now, granted, this would require me to pick Judo back up. I’m aiming to do so after I get back in some sort of shape. I’ve spent the past month improving my eating habits and will shortly begin running regularly and doing some body-weight exercises (pull-ups, crunches, push-ups, etc.) I’ve always wanted to compete in a martial arts tournament and, well, I’m not getting any younger.

Looking back, now, at my list, I feel like there should be more on it. I guess I’m just a simple kind of guy.

Do you have a Bucket List? What are some things you want to do before you croak?

When my wife and I got married a number of years ago, we made a big mistake by racking up a bunch of credit card debt. It’s quite sad to realize you’re still paying off a dinner at Chili’s from years ago. When Thing 2 was born, we needed to buy a new car to accommodate our then 4-person family. Enter another $30,000 of debt for the car loan.

Over the coming years Thing 1 and Thing 2 both attended the same preschool, pretty much back-to-back, which brought with it a large monthly tuition that nearly broke us many times. But we struggled through it because it was the best school we could provide for our kids. Anyway, I think you get the picture. We incurred a lot of debt and financial obligations.

Luckily, we spotted the downward spiral we were slipping into, so we realigned out priorities and made a goal to pay off our car loan and credit cards as soon as possible. And not just one of those “…someday…” types of promises to ourselves, but an actual goal. We threw the gauntlet down at our own feet.

As luck would have it (because we’re certainly not financial strategists), this year will be the year that we finally become debt free. Our car will be paid off in September, our credit cards will be paid off by the end of the year, and Thing 2 will no longer be in preschool (Welcome back, income-that-went-to-tuition!).

This post isn’t about finances, though, or about how debt is bad. Mmmmkay? This is about the importance of setting goals and doing whatever it takes to achieve them.

To reach our goal of becoming debt free, my wife and I have gone without and sacrificed for many years. We’ve used nearly every cent received from birthdays or anniversaries to pay down credit cards – so much so, that people have taken to giving us gift cards instead of money, so we don’t spend it on bills. We pay a little bit extra every month on our car payment just to get that (my fingers are very close together, in case you were wondering) much more ahead of the curve. We’ve sacrificed our nights and weekends by working a second and sometimes third job to pay those debts down.

By being so close to achieving this goal of ours, which was our motivation for dragging ourselves out of bed on mornings when all we wanted to do was roll over and sleep the days away, we realized something else about our goal: It’s almost obtained.

What then? We would soon be a ship sailing without a course.

We felt a slight twinge of panic when we had each realized that in the very near future we would be goal-less. So one night, we sent the kids outside to play and we talked, while folding laundry, about what we wanted – both as individuals and as parents – as our next goal(s).

When we were done, we both felt better because we were each able to outline those things which were and are priorities for each of us. We had a course again; a new destination.

I hope this post doesn’t come across as boastful. We certainly haven’t done everything perfectly because if we had we wouldn’t have dug ourselves into the hole we had to claw and fight and scratch our way out of in the first place. When you’re trying to pay off debt it can seem hopeless and futile, but it doesn’t have to be a forever thing.

There are a lot of posts about how determination and perseverance will help you achieve your goal – regardless of what it might be. What there doesn’t seem to be a lot of, however, are posts encouraging you, once you achieve that goal, to not sit back and relax, thinking about how awesome you are.

Achieving your goal is, without a doubt, something to celebrate and be ecstatic about. After the awe of your own kick ass-itude has passed, set a new goal for a better, happier you and work toward that new one.

I thought I would post a follow-up article talking about the change I made two years ago.

Financial Freedom

Here is a break down in what I have paid to free myself from the gimmicky, over-priced products men’s shaving companies put out today:

Razor – The razor I use is a vintage safety razor that I purchased for $5 at a local flea market. I took it home, cleaned it up really good and after 40+ years since it was manufactured, it works like a charm.

Shaving soap – When I first switched to using a safety razor, I used a shaving cream sold by Neutrogena for men. It worked quite well but did not last as long as I wanted it to for the price. After doing some reading, I found a massive recommendation for the Colonel Conk glycerine shaving soaps.

I called my local cutlery store and found that they the very same line of soaps. I drove down there, smelled the different scent options and decided on the Col. Conk Amber Shave Soap. It has a good, subtle masculine smell and the quality of the soap keeps my skin clean and feeling great. Plus, it only costs $4.95 per bar. Each bar lasts me about 5-6 months.

Brush – Shaving brushes come in two styles: Boar hair or Badger hair. Boar hair is the cheapest, with the latter being the most expensive. I have never used a badger hair shave brush, so I really can’t speak to the difference in lather quantity and quality that they produce. That being said, the boar hair brush I picked up at Walgreens two years ago for $6 has not let me down and to this day produces more than enough soapy lather to shave with.

Razor blades – My local Walgreens sells a pack of 10 double-edge razor blades for anywhere from $6-$9. I have very coarse facial hair and a single razor blade will last me the better part of a month with regular shaving. I’ve found that the longer I go between shaves, the less life I’ll get out of each blade.

After shave lotion – The only aftershave I really like the smell of happens to be the same one my dad uses. My wife doesn’t like me wearing it because she feels like she’s snuggling up with my old man. That’s why I use the “Triple Protect Face Lotion” made by Neutrogena. It has a pleasant scent and does a fantastic job of reducing redness and razor burn that sometimes comes with shaving.

Shaving mug – One of the things I simply could not bring myself to invest in was an “official” shaving soap mug. Looking around on Amazon, for example, you can find companies selling what are essentially too-short coffee mugs for upwards of $40. My solution? I grabbed a seldom-used coffee mug from our kitchen. One that has a sturdy handle, a wide enough opening to get my hand in there to work the lather, and a wide enough bottom for my shave soap to rest in.

Final costs

Recurring costs: The annual cost for shaving this way, based on shaving about every other day is very minimal – approximately $55 over the course of a year for all of my replacement razor blades, shaving soap and aftershave lotion.

Up front costs: Depending on how rich your taste is, the up-front costs could be quite high. If you’re patient and frugal, you could easily get the shave mug, brush and safety razor for under $20. If you cannot find a used safety razor, you can expect to spend anywhere from $50-$70 alone for a nice new safety razor. The long-term savings, though, are well worth the up front expense.

You may have noticed the “Grooming Lounge” banner on my site. They have a very extensive supply of shaving supplies at very reasonable prices. Check them out if you’re interested in saving some money and getting manly with your shaving regimen!

This video demonstrates something I learned years ago in school about motivation and the psychology of people in general. We’re not necessarily motivated just by money. Sure, money is important but once you have enough to move beyond the pain point (where you have enough to live) money is not the motivating force.

Click here to read their post in its entirety.

You can watch the video they posted on their blog post, below.

As a Project Manager, this video gave me some valuable information, when it comes to managing my team of developers and designers. Head over to YoungEntrepreneur.com for a whole slew of great articles and information.